speak from the heart.

afsara told me to do this, but i honestly have no idea how.

what's in my heart is just a load of rubbish really. i don't think anyone would understand me. even the one's who know me best would just be like, "what the fuck?", but it does seem clear to me, even if i'm not quite sure what i mean.

she also said "see if we can interpret it ourselves." but i'm scared you'd get the wrong impression. i'm shit at telling people how i feel. i go into too much detail and make myself sound arrogant and over-obsessive, or i give everyone the wrong impression or make myself sound like a twat. so really, what's in my heart is probably going to have to stay ther for a while. just until i've learnt how to express myself correctly whithout fucking everything up.

sometimes i read back on what i wrote and i want to sink into the ground. did i really say stuff like that? and some of the stuff i did write was a load of rubbish to be honest. i obviously misinterpreted it myself. see, what's in my heart doesn't even make sense to me, so why would it make sense to you?

if i was going to express myself, i probably wouldn't say anything so openly. sometimes you just WANT people to read your blog because it's aimed at a certain person, but everytime i've done this they probably havn't bothered to read it, or i just make myself sound obsessed with them or something pathetic.
basically, i find it hard to express myself at any point. in person, or on paper. but that's something i'm going to attempt to do this year and tell you all what i think. because i think i've kept what i really think hidden for too long.

i literally typed this like i was being fast-forwarded, so if it doesn't make much sense, then my bad.